Self-care

I've been thinking a lot on self-care and decided to post mine here, in the hopes that blog followers will post their ideas on FB in the comments sections. Many of my FB friends and family are all about self-care, and the rest might simply need to read our wise words!

I'll start by saying I've had one hell of a year. Yet, by all accounts, I seem to be doing rather well despite this. A wise sister of mine has duly noted it's because of my self-care. She's probably one of the few people who recognizes this. Most think of me as some sort of enigma, having some magical, remarkable ability to bounce back. The air of mystery and inscrutable nature of what I do is about to be cleared!

I'll start with that the only person fully able to respond to my life is me. Responsibility is the ability to respond, and the buck stops here, with me. Self-care flows naturally from that logic. I can't be waiting around for someone else to do it for me, or wave a magic wand and make my life picture perfect. My life will never be that way, and I'm good with that. The magic is all me, all the time, and so it goes with self-care as well. Same for you, btw.

Because really, what other option is there? Misery, self-pity, powerlessness, anger? It just doesn't do it for me. If it's getting you an outcome you enjoy, keep up the good work! It's NEVER done it for me, so I don't stay with those very long. Instead, I embrace self-care. Note that I didn't say "try to" or "strive for" because that only gives it a slight chance of happening, at least in my world. EMBRACE IT. Use whatever metaphor works for you. Ride it like a bull or a bear, make love to it, make it your greatest passion. I don't care what you call it, just do it.

So, here are the things I do for self-care, in no particular order:

1. Talk with seriously good friends. I'm dogged about it. If not face to face, then IM, Skype, email, letters, leaving VM messages.

2. Refrain from judging others as potentially not being "good enough" friends to be seriously good friends - let them do their magic, too, and don't limit yourself.

3. Be a good friend, get out of your own headspace for awhile and help others.

4. You don't go to the baker and ask for an oil change, or the Oil Express and ask for a loaf of bread, right? That would be nuts, wouldn't it? So why go to people who can't give you what you want or need an expect a different result? If you're looking for help organizing, go to an organizing friend, if you're looking for a serious relationship, go to a person that can happen with. Don't go to the wrong people for the wrong things, or get angry when someone can't give you what you need, if you're asking the wrong person. Accept it and move on.

5. Stop drawing road maps for the visually impaired. If you find yourself beating your head against a wall trying to get someone to change, understand you, or what have you, it's just got to stop. It's not worth the effort, even if you love them. They can't see what you're trying to show them, and that's okay, be good with it.

6. Journal about it, blog about it, process what's going on and get it out of you.

7. Go to therapy, and if it's not working don't sulk in a corner and lick your wounds, find another therapist who will work.

8. Pray, and actually mean it. No bargaining with whatever you elect to pray to, no pleading, no half-hearted, "I'll believe in you if only you'll do this for me" kind of prayer. Seriously, now.

9. Make someone smile. It's really not that hard! I don't care much who it is, so long as it doesn't involve illegal activities or money. Could be a stranger you smile at walking by, or the Starbucks barista. They'll smile back, and that's what you need to see!

10. Spend time with good elders. Not the mean ones who berate your existence, the sweet, kind hearted ones who open up the breadth of their experience of the world and thier kind hearts, love and wisdom. It doesn't mean you need to tell them anything, just be around them, they are WONDERFUL! Elders rock!

11. Avoid obnoxious or annoying people. Schedule your day around ways to avoid them, it's kind of fun, if you're clever about it.

12. Set limits in your life of how much people access you and for what. I have about two hours a day people can pull from the depths of my soul and be needy before I start to get surly. So, if 10 people come to me and need me, great if it doesn't max out that two hours for me. Or one, that's fine. Some days, I get 10 people needing 2 hours of my time each, and here's where the fun begins - start scheduling them. Try "This is important and I'd like to devote 2 hours to speak to you about it. How about next Wednesday at 1:00?" If they are just anxious people who need to dump and you're their dumping grounds, boy are they gonna HATE that. Now, here's a question for you, under what terms did you agree to become their dumping ground? I'll bet you never had that conversation with them...

13. Eat healthy, limit alcohol and tobacco consumption, increase physical activity.

14. Candles are lovely when attended, burn the best scented candles you love, safely, as a treat.

15. Recognize people will stand in line to tell you what to do with your life, if you stand in any place for too long. It's human nature. So stop just standing there, get a move on!

16. Tell your friends what's going on, at your own pace, in a time limited fashion. Most people don't speak truth to power about their stuff, because they're afraid it's too much for their friends and they don't want to lose them. You will if you go on ad nauseum about the same issues over a duration of time. So mix it up a bit, and work on your stuff, so you can give them new and exciting information.

17. Turn away from media advertising that attempts to make you think that you are less beautiful, desirable, perfect, lovable, exciting, etc. in order to sell thier product. Refuse to make purchases from companies that do this. Refuse to befriend people who think we all need to be that way in order to be in their world. Their world is a really sad place.

18. Volunteer with an organization that gets you out of your comfort zone, helping actual people whose lives are FAR WORSE than yours. Trust me on this one, there are people whose lives are FAR WORSE than yours.

19. Turn the tragedies into something productive, like a career or a book, transform what's happened with you in the past into something that just might help people in the future.

20. Body lotions are my friend. So are expensive cosmetic counter samples. Both are cheap and female friendly ways to engage in self care daily. Sorry, men, I got nothing for you on this one!

21. Learn to say no. If no is hard, try "that just doesn't work for me." Practice saying it outloud, until it flows freely.

22. Play a musical instrument, or anything that makes some sound. I have rattles I reach for, and a Tibetan Singing bowl. Use the power of sound to transform your environment and lose yourself in it.

23. Talk to and hug children, they're fun!

24. Give yourself permission to enjoy the day, and contemplate wonderment about what adventures it might bring...

25. Remember, no matter how wacked out crazy a day might be, at least you got a good story out of it!

26. Do not let the past define you.

27. Do not let other people define you.

28. Contemplate the ways in which you are powerful and the ways in which you frequently deny it, then work to change that.

29. If you've got a quirky and non-damaging little habit, revel in it. I am a perfume junky, so I wear it every day. Don't save those things you love for only special occasions, when you get to get out of the jail you put yourself in the other 364 days of the year - no, if you love it and it harms no one, including yourself, do it every day.

30. Drink water.

31. Listen to music - not the stuff that depresses you, we've all got that - be original! Listen to stuff that reminds you of you when you're at you're best!

32. Cry when you need to, the way in which you need to.

33. Create art, even if it's not "good" by society standards, it really doesn't matter, because society standards are highly overrated. Whatever art it is, carving, pottery, drawing, photography, painting, etc. Doesn't have to be permanent, just get it out there.

34. For those of you reading this thinking, "I just can't put this issue of mine making me miserable aside" try any of the following: You could create a feelings box, get an empty cigar box for $2 from a cigar store, on the outside create images of the outside you or world you want to create. On the inside, where you're at with the problem. Then, every time you feel miserable, write out the issue, and put it in the box and shut the lid, leave it there, until the next time. Or, write the main issue on a small piece of paper, and burn it. Or, put it in water and literally freeze it in the freezer.

35. Go for regular dental and medical check ups. Go to the doctor when you need to see the doctor. Don't be a wuss.

36. Get a massage, if you can't afford it, check out the massage schools in your area to see about discounted rates for letting students practice on you.

37. If medication is needed, see a medical doctor or psychiatrist and get on it and take it. Stay consistent, don't play around with it, don't play doctor yourself. Don't self-medicate (drugs, alcohol, taking a friend's prescription), don't go off on your own.

Okay, I've given some of mine, it's your turn now - put your self-care things on FB in the comments section! I'm looking forward to adding to my options!