So I'm back from my Utah trip now, still processing the things I learned on it. I'd done the rock climbing in Moab as a metaphor for trust in relationships. Coming off a metaphoric big fall, I needed to know I could climb again and see what that would be like.
Just in case I forgot what the whole climbing trip was about, I was reminded by a colossal blow to my trust in relationships right before the trip. I was like, "Okay already, I get it!" So, I went into the trip with that experience in mind as well.
What I learned from my climb is that I can trust in all forms of relationships, and that I can be in the here and now with the experience. But what I need - nope, need is not strong enough a word for this - what I require in the journey are some anchors to know what it is I can expect to count on and what it is I intend to reach.
In climbing, there are physical anchors that keep you safe. I like those, but this isn't about those. When I climb, I know my skills and abilities and where I'm generally going and what my limits are. I rely on the visual anchors to know what I'm reaching for. And that's where I came to the "ah ha" moment of processing my climbing trip.
You see, I realize that up until recently, I was climbing blind in relationships. There is such a thing in actual climbing as climbing blind - it's a technique used to hone your skills. There are even some excellent visually impaired and blind climbers that I know of. However, in my relationships, I was trusting the process on all accounts and climbing blind, without seeing what I was headed for.
I'm not entirely sure why I would do this in relationships, but the thing I came out of the trip thinking is that I need to know my anchors that keep me safe, and I also need to see some visual anchors from other people. In my climb, and most areas of my life, the anchor that keeps me safe is the Creator's quirky desire to keep me whole. Time and time again, bad stuff has happened, and the Creator always steps in and makes the way for me through it. So, that part is good.
But in terms of relationships with other people, there are visual anchors I require going forward. Reciprocal respect and intention, shared passion and focus toward common goals of human dignity and decency.
I need to see it manifested in your actions toward myself and others.
If you're not doing it, you won't come within 3 yards of me, no matter how slick or entertaining you think you might be. Simply put, I refuse to climb blind in my relationships any longer. The air of mystery about what to expect and drama and excitement of not knowing where I stand with people has lost its appeal, if it ever had any to begin with. Because, as I said in the post on lessons from my Utah trip (Balanced Rock) I know where I stand.
I'm around and a part of multiple Indian communities and people, and often they'll talk about "Indian wannabees." Some mistake me for one because of how I look and treat me accordingly. I let it roll, because it's really nothing worth getting worked up over. But insofar as the concept of "wannabees" relates to relationships I'll be in going forward, human wannabees are not cool in my book and have no place in my life. Either you're one of the real people, or you're not. And it doesn't really matter to me what race, ethnicity, religion, sexuality you happen to come in is. I don't need posers acting like real people in my life going forward.
So, I am happy to realize I'd been climbing blind, because I was really beginning to doubt my instincts about folks, and I realize it's not my instincts that have been faulty. It's been my steadfast refusal to require visual anchors that would indicate the above that has.
My instincts led me to some amazing and positive encounters when I stopped climbing blind on this trip, even off rock and into human relationships. I met some wonderful people who reminded me that the world likely has many more of them.
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