Why Do More Than Your Share?

Lately, I've had a number of conversations with friends where they've pointed out to me that I do more for people than they do for me. Sometimes even more that their own family members would do. They say that I tend to give people a lot of credit, or invest more in others than would seem reasonable. One even gave herself as an example, of feeling that she received more in our relationship than she had given.

Perhaps they think it's a self-esteem thing, or that I get taken for a ride, or that I'm trying to prove something. In those conversations, I refer back to teachings I received and particular traditional values that I hold, or about my desire to prove the world wrong. My early experiences in life would have given me every reason never to trust anyone, ever, let alone go out of my way to help others in this world.

Tonight I was reflecting on how I ought to pay attention to this, given the number of times it's come up lately in my conversations with friends. The more I thought on it, the less it was about particular traditional values I was taught or trying to prove the world wrong. I have some pretty rock solid self-esteem, so that's not it, either. So, here's where my thought process took me:

The idea of "responsibility" can be seen as having the ability to respond. If I have the ability to respond to something, I do it, and if I don't, I don't. I'm pretty clear with folks about what I can and can't do. So why do more than your share in a friendship? Mainly, it's because I can. Beneathe that is a sentiment I don't share often, or even consciously do, but is a fairly strong undercurrent to all of this. It is that I was given amazing opportunities, chances, and gifts in this life.

I had very little in terms of prospects, and quite a lot going against me in my earlier years. The Creator saw fit to open these doors for me, give me these opportunities, and support me through all of it. I have been both humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude for this, and really, there's not a lot I can give the Creator that he doesn't already have, right? So I decided that when people need help and I might just be in a position to do something, just go ahead and do it.

I don't want folks to think this idea just sprung forth from me. I remember one summer, when I was working at the Mall putting myself through college, and having only a bike to get me anywhere, we got a terrible rainstorm. One of my friends, Gabrielle, also worked with me, and after work she took me to her house. Her mother was all changed for bed, ready to sleep, and she knew my house was a few miles away. She got up, changed clothes and drove me home that night. I was overwhelmed by her kindness, because I hadn't expected her to do that and hadn't asked. I felt ashamed to make her go out of her way for me, and that I'd caused her to change her evening plans. We talked about it, and she shared a story about people doing things for her, and that the best way to thank her would be that if someone ever needed my help someday, just go ahead and do it.

I've been thanking Mrs. Shemett ever since, on some level, for both her kindness and the wisdom she shared with me that night.

If we're given opportunities, gifts, and chances by the Creator, my thought is that if I can't return the gift properly to him, the least I can do is pay it forward.